I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
