i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
