I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
