the condom got lost in my hair
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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