even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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