Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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