Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
