i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
