I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
