sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
