sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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