u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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