My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize