I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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