Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
