I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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