yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I need moral support for this bender
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
