just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
