I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
