Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
