I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
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