this beer tastes like vomit already
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
