i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
