Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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