i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
