I heard we made out
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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