I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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