you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
