i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
