I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
