yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
