there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize