If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize