marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
