I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
