If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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