Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize