i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
