Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
