A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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