this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize