in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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