Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
