I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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