we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
