talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
