I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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