The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
