i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I love having hate sex.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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