if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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