I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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