so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
