I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize