If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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