My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
