cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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