There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
