After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He passed out mid-signature
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
