where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
