told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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