I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
