Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
