is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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