I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
