Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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