Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
