didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
