I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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